livin' on a prayer

We are living in a world that we can't understand. Constantly people, religions and even countries are in conflict with one another because of misunderstanding. Sometimes asking and questioning is ultimately the better deal, or maybe some reliefing comments like "God bless everyone!" will help. But usually "Why this? Why that? Why this and that? How come like that?" are the simple questions that we ask with no regret, resulting in somewhat many unfavourable consequences. If we knew the answer beforehand, would we still have asked the question in the first place? But if we knew the answer already, would we have bothered to ask? Think about it, it can be very confusing. All I know is that the truth is always difficult to accept, but we still have to accept it.

Is there really something wrong with our bodies when we are diagnosed with all the different kinds of diseases or illnesses present in the world right now or is it God's signal/message to us that our time here is up? That we are not fit enough physically or mentally to be in this world? Or that it is just a tool for doctors, organisations and MNCs to get wealthier, by making a virus to create a vaccine?

Can we see beyond the exterior features of a person and actually see the internal side of the person? So far, so long, sadly no, although always there are exceptions and that it is rare. When was the last you see couples which are blessed to be each other? The divorce rates are increasing by the seconds and sometimes you wonder what's the point of marrying when in the end you end up divorcing? But I guess couples marry with no intention of separating from each other, which brings this to the other point, do they really love each other to start with, or is it the animal instincts in all of us that tell us to love our partners? We, as homosapiens, the so-called mammals with the ability of thought, are still and will still be the animals we used to be, but those who are more religious will beg to differ. Has the ability of thought made us who we are today? Creatures that materialise and procrastinate about anything and everything? Even to the so-called people who we're in love with? Honestly I'm not sure myself, whether 2 people can truly be in love with each other or is it just superficial love to start with that may ultimately lead to real and unconditional love? I don't know. Really.

Wow, its a very complicated post. That's all folks.

nothing mch to do

One thing I've learnt is that when you get to the point where there's nothing much for your brain to function in a productive way (even though physically it may be unproductive), you start to think in a degenerative way.

i.e. nothing to do, think about stupid and silly things.

Emotions start getting the better of you, and naturally it turns out to be unpleasant kinds.
Hate, Jealousy and Selfishness. 3 somewhat simple adjectives with huge complications to us.

There's no one time when you have really nothing to do, you just stone, because no one stones. When you see someone stone, they're actually thinking about something, preferably something unpleasant. Unless there are things in your head, which probably means there's some brain juices to squeeze, you think bad. And that is really dumb. Why does the human brain work in this silly way to instill fear and hopelessness in me? Especially since when I have nothing to do?

I really don't know how my brain works but all I think of are the 3 adjectives I mentioned earlier.

Only when I fully occupied with stuff, no matter productive or unproductive work, do I make my brain function properly.

Let's face it, my brain is seriously degrading by the day, knowledge may even be spilling out of my brain and with not much things to do at the moment, my hopeless thoughts will only get worse.

Besides, everyone knows I'm lazy. I can't get my ass up to do some proper, learn something, read something, and watching TV doesn't help the brain think, only follow. I guess this post is more of a rant and a signal for me to wake up and reaffirm my existence in life.

Until then its time for some life reflection in me.

faded memories that come back to "haunt?" me

Wow, it seems that I finally understand how faded memories can be brought back to me from my unconscious mind in just a split of a second, and its not the pictures, but the words itself.

You see, while just posting 2 days ago, well I thought maybe its time for a change, a change that would refresh my thoughts and the memories that I wished didn't happen to me. I decided then to delete every single tag on my tagboard. Going to the website and logging in to my account, this is it, delete everything and start over again, hopefully like a new person or being. As I clicked on the select all button, I don't know why I did it but I just scrolled down the website and browsed through all the tag that was present.

And this was where the Nightmare started. As I read each tag, pictures, feelings and emotions started getting to my head. I started to be happy and sad, angry and frustrated, emotional and emotionless. I really thought I can go through with it after what seems like a good old long time for me but till now it appears not.

All the doing something else, pre-ocuppying yourself with shit and the legendary "they say time heals everything" are just for people who couldn't care less anymore, and I'm just not that guy. I care too much for Christ sake.

be a man guanwen, face up and do what you should do.

new shit to do

Watching Julie & Julia yesterday has one way or another inspired, rekindled and effortlessly made me want, need and have to continue this godforsaken blog.

I sincerely believe it will certainly make life more interesting for me that it already isn't, and in a reflective way.

So what's left after this. I have already gotten my driver's license, which looks good too haha. I will need something to do to keep myself occupied with my life, since all my close friends keeping telling me "the world is gonna end in 2012, so make full use of it while possible", which is what I plan to do now.

Of course I'm not gonna do a 365 days, 524 recipes Julie/Julia project, but I'll try something else, erm maybe play an instrument, or learn a new skill, whatever it is, and NO GIVING UP!

But till then its 2 days before booking out and I'm certainly looking forward to the weekend.