Its been a long time since I last updated, but with other factors coming in, I don't think I wish to update anymore, because it will be emotional post again. nothing happy ever happens to guanwen nowadays.
Homework is tough, tutorials are being carried out at a fast rate, lectures are hard to understand. But there's nothing I can do about it, except working even harder than before, I guess.
And besides that, other things have happened over these few weeks and they are not good too. Overbursting of emotions and unpredictability to name a few. People tend to change during periods like this, but who can blame them? The stress and expectations are just too hard for them to handle and they find other ways to destress and let out some steam.
All I can say is that I'm not the guanwen I want to be now, not since the start of the second term and I hate it. I'm being more pessimistic than before, becoming emotional more often than usually and get myself annoyed more easily, and contradict myself in the many ways I promised myself never ever to happen.
I'm not me and I don't know how to change in these coming weeks of terror. I don't want to resort to beating and abusing myself in order to make myself change but I don't want to keep it inside me and hide it in my subconscious mind forever, knowing that it'll come back to haunt me when I finally can be in my happy self, but telling someone will make hurt him/her indirectly and they have their own things to worry about besides little old me.
I'm stopping here, I don't want to type and don't know what to type anymore.
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