stupid archery

it just isn't the day for me.

the day started out bad, and it HAD to end bad too.

am I asking too much?

why show the attitude and spoil my day?

you're not happy and i'm not happy, so how? call the police? doesn't solve anything.

and what's wrong with playing with the psp, is it a crime? for goodness sake it's a break, not a lesson.

don't treat us like recruits just because only one or two silly people runied your day.

shouting doesn't scare me, it scares you so don't do it to scare us.

bottomline: you don't give me your respect, i won't show you your respect.

and it's not his fault, its accidental cos THE ARROW DROPPED when he released. screw your pay, dock it then dock it lah, not as if you haven't earned enough from NS with extra bonuses.

money isn't everything, safety is, like you said.

we're just a bunch of students who are just beginners, and you're a semi-pro. why waste your energy getting mad when we're not gifted at it?

we're trying our best you know, and it doesn't help when you always 'wah lau eh tell you how many times' at us.

i'm still gonna see you in 2 weeks time, hopefully you'll change and think about others feelings before yourself.

it's tough for you as its tough for us, so don't make life difficult for us and we'll do the same.

lastly, about the night, i'll just have to compromise with whatever you do, although i'm upset, i'll just have to accept what's coming in from your side, and i don't know if i still can maintain my cool and be very understandable the way things are going, cos i kinda lost it just now. it's saturday leh, not the weekdays or sundays which i can accept.

today ended in a bad note. hope sleep won't too.

i'm out.

updating finally

Its been a long time since I last updated, but with other factors coming in, I don't think I wish to update anymore, because it will be emotional post again. nothing happy ever happens to guanwen nowadays.

Homework is tough, tutorials are being carried out at a fast rate, lectures are hard to understand. But there's nothing I can do about it, except working even harder than before, I guess.

And besides that, other things have happened over these few weeks and they are not good too. Overbursting of emotions and unpredictability to name a few. People tend to change during periods like this, but who can blame them? The stress and expectations are just too hard for them to handle and they find other ways to destress and let out some steam.

All I can say is that I'm not the guanwen I want to be now, not since the start of the second term and I hate it. I'm being more pessimistic than before, becoming emotional more often than usually and get myself annoyed more easily, and contradict myself in the many ways I promised myself never ever to happen.

I'm not me and I don't know how to change in these coming weeks of terror. I don't want to resort to beating and abusing myself in order to make myself change but I don't want to keep it inside me and hide it in my subconscious mind forever, knowing that it'll come back to haunt me when I finally can be in my happy self, but telling someone will make hurt him/her indirectly and they have their own things to worry about besides little old me.

I'm stopping here, I don't want to type and don't know what to type anymore.